Monday, January 20, 2014

The Emotionally Destructive Marriage by Leslie Vernick

How do you recognize if you are in a toxic marriage or simply one that needs a little work?

The following post contains some advertisement. This book was provided to me in exchange for my review.

Something HAS to Change...
You can’t put it into words, but something is happening to you. Your stomach churns, your heart aches, and the tension in your marriage is making you feel weary and a little crazy. The constant criticism, disrespect, cruelty, deceit, and gross indifference are eroding your confidence and breaking your spirit.
For any woman caught in an emotionally destructive marriage,
Leslie Vernick offers a personalized path forward. Based on decades of counseling experience, her intensely practical, biblical advice will show you how to establish boundaries and break free from emotional abuse. Learn to:

·         identify damaging behaviors
·         gain the skills to respond wisely
·         promote healthy change
·         stay safe
·         understand when, why, and even how to leave
·         recognize that God sees and hates what is happening to you

Trying harder to be a perfect fantasy wife won’t help fix what’s wrong your marriage. Discover instead how you can initiate effective changes to stop the cycle of destruction and restore hope for the future.
This book is available through Waterbrook Multnomah and other online retailers

About the Author:
Leslie VernickLeslie Vernick, dcsw, acsw, lcsw, is a licensed clinical social worker who has her own private counseling practice and more than twenty years of experience counseling individuals and families from a biblical world view. She is a popular speaker for women's groups, couple's retreats, and professional seminars, and the author of How to Live Right When Your Life Goes Wrong, How to Act Right When Your Spouse Acts Wrong and How to Find Selfless Joy in a Me-First World. Leslie and her husband live in Pennsylvania


I was blessed with this book by the Blogging for Books program in exchange for my honest opinion. I am not required to give a positive review. No other compensation was provided.
My thoughts...
Just by looking around and observing, it is obvious, every marriage has its struggles. Some are more noticeable than others. Most good marriages are due to working through ups and downs and compromising.  But... what if you are not sure if your struggles are "normal"?  What steps do you take to find out whether the patterns exhibited in your marriage are destructive? How do you move towards healing or decide whether to stay or leave? Many times a spouse feels trapped in a marriage and has no idea how to improve their relationship.
In Leslie's book, she divides the subject into three parts:
  • Part 1: Seeing your marriage clearly - Sometimes it is hard to figure out if your marriage is destructive or whether you are just facing a small obstacle that needs to be worked out. Leslie will help you through a series of questions and examples decide what kind of marriage you have. She also reminds her readers about how God sees them, and that no matter what they are facing - He cares!
  • Part 2: Change begins with you - An important part of improving your relationship is Reality Living. Instead of spending all your energy trying to change your spouse, it is important to assess what you can actually control - yourself. How are your own actions or attitudes contributing to the destructiveness of your marriage. Do you see yourself as God sees you? Are you keeping your C.O.R.E. healthy so you can address issues without unnecessary drama? (If in physical danger - do you have a safety plan in place?) You cannot change your spouse... but change can begin with You!
  • Part 3: Initiating Changes in your Marriage - Sometimes you may need to be the one to initiate changes in the marriage. After getting healthy yourself, you can work on implementing what you have learned. Some changes may be - learning to speak in love, standing up for yourself, setting boundaries, or even creating some "space"...
Whether you decide to stay or leave, Leslie's goal is that you be healthy emotionally.  Some marriages cannot be repaired, others can with the right tools and alot of work. If you are struggling emotionally this book may be for you. Leslie uses God's Word to help point her readers in the right direction. I gleaned much good information from this book. As always, God's Word must be your foundation and all of man's ideas need to be tested against what He says in His Word.

Would you please take a second to rate my review. Thanks

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